just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
