He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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