Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
