it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sorry my hands just texted you
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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