I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
