Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
