My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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