I didn't shave. On purpose
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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