I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
