i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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