she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
