i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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