They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
