I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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