grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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