So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
3pm strippers are depressing
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
