I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
