dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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