After last night, I could never be a politician.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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