I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize