I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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