watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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