I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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