i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
