I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
