Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
