Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
