A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just cropdusted the office
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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