Who wears a wallet chain?!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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