I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
