True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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