i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
