forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
