don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
