He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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