summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
