i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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