Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
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I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
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Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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