Plan B is the new Plan A
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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