I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
