My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
