i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
