I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
