the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
