i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
