Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
