Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
