Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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