I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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