i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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