I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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