does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She bit a glass in half.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
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Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize