I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
