you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Pants are for mortals
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
