Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
