put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
