i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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