Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
