can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
