my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
