I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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