last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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