I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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