i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
