Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
