:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
