capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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