I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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