That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
