So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
