are you so shy because you have an std?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
