big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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