Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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