You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
