I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
