Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
