You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
