I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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